Domination in relationships is a scary topic for some people. I am people because I love the concept of love. I am from the 90s, a time when the most we had to speak to a partner was a two-way or a pager. It was far simpler to walk around with a cell phone that has the sole purpose of communication. This generation is different, we track every single movement our partners are doing. The idea of intimacy is slowly fading due to the idea partners feel their significant other is only capable of loving them by sharing their passwords, giving them access to their location, and essentially control of their lives through their phones.
I have a friend who is tracked by his partner, he is 24 years old, and his partner is an obsessive control freak, throw in insecure and neurotic in the mix and you have a woman who is incapable of feeling the substance of love, but embracing the mental prison of control. I asked him “why do you think it is ok for your partner to track you?” he stared at me blankly as he scrambled to make an excuse for her. “I think that is how she loves bro, she is insecure from her last relationship.” I find this to be one of the biggest issues with this generation, how can you love through control? I find it difficult to believe she is not insecure about herself. Therefore, she projects her insecurity onto her relationship by needing access to all his accounts.
This same friend called me one day, and he told me his girlfriend beat him up. She found out through having access to all his passwords that he was talking to his ex-girlfriend, without questioning him she punched him in the face 3 times. My question to everyone is, at what point do we walk away from these explosive situations? At what expense do we avoid our peace? There is a word that people use for people that allow these kinds of situations in their lives, they call them “simps”. I didn’t quite know what this word was, being in college at the age of 31 means you make younger friends who have a wider variety of slang words. A simp is a slang for a person (typically a man) who is desperate for the attention and affection of someone else (Typically a woman).
I come from a time when sending your partner love letters in the mail was considered romantic, now sharing passwords is what signifies love circa 2023. Cute dates used to be appreciated, but now they are required to feel relevant through the eyes of social media. People portray one image on the internet, and you see a totally different person in real life, full of sadness and regret. I am beginning to learn that your history of partners and relationships is a major sign of where your mental health is currently.
I feel for this friend of mine, but it is up to him to stay in a relationship that does not fit them. I have been with my partner for 15 years. She has floated the idea naturally of tracking each other and sharing passwords. I believe when you have reached that realm in your relationship it is ok to say no and walk away if they do not respect your decision. When you are placed in a position to receive ultimatums to prove you love someone, that is essentially the perfect time to cut the cord of attachment, that person does not trust you and will go beyond extreme measures to try to find something that is not occurring.
Mental health is important and completely necessary while dating someone. You want to be sure you don’t bring any of your baggage from your previous relationship and perpetrate the same cycle on someone that has not necessarily shown you they deserve that treatment. Take the time to heal, restart, and attempt to bring yourself to be in a relationship with a different attitude and state of mind, that is legitimately the only way to progress with someone you want longevity with.